ma wee Granny was mental 

she loved a wee night on the town

and when a was a wain she’d never put me down

ma wee Granny was mental

she loved the fitba

and the Highland Dancin

but loved a wee voddy n aw

she loved making mince n totties 

and a blue rinse through her hair

she was sweet as could be unless ye pissed her aff

then she’d definitely deck ye on the flair

she’d awis make a plate o snacks 

for me coming in from school

she’d let ye stay up late and watch TV 

which made me feel pure cool

she taught me how tae swear 

and sent me tae the shop for sweets

loved Daytime TV, Edam Cheese 

and her favourite word was Feek

ma wee Granny was cooler than me

and she was never one to be narky

she loved the bingo but even more

she loved an after party

Grannies are really like second maws

Ye canna take them for granted

they’ll make sure yer well fed and keep ye right 

and they’ll never see ye stranded

Grannies are brilliant and Grannies are class and when they’re gone ye really dae miss them

Chris Patrick